Christine (1983) Halloween Movie Review
Christine (1983)
Lots of 80’s horror movies are famous for being kind of bad. Children of the Corn, the Friday the 13th sequels, Hobgoblins, Sorority House Massacre, and many, many others. But there is something special about 80’s horror films because they really couldn’t have been made in any other time period. Evil Dead II just couldn’t have come out today. This goes to show that a lot of 80’s movies are just products of the 80’s. Back to the Future, Ghostbusters, The Goonies, The Breakfast Club, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off only exist because someone thought them up in the 80’s. One of these “product of the 80’s” movies is John Carpenter’s Christine.
This is the first of five horror(ish) movies that I will be seeing leading up to Halloween. And no, I will not be seeing Halloween. But I will most likely see Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Anyways. You know you need to write some real review when so far half of it is italicized movie titles. This movie is not nearly as cheesy or trashy as I anticipated. The story is told pretty well, and most of the characters are developed well.
But that doesn't mean it is without issues. Sometimes it embraces the fact that it is a movie about a killer car, and uses it to its advantage to create some delightfully goofy but dark scenes. But most of the time, Christine takes itself WAY too seriously. It is not scary at all. The two main horror sources failed to provoke any fear in me while I was watching it.
Basically, the story is that two friends are driving around one day and the nerdy one stops the other one to buy an old car named Christine with a bad history. Then the nerd becomes obsessed with the car, and he treats it like his girlfriend. Then he and Christine go on a killing spree against the people who treat him badly (or anyone, really). I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to be creeped out by Arnie’s (Keith Gordon, the nerd) descent into madness, but honestly it is not that scary whatsoever. And simply watching a car run over people isn’t that terrifying.
One thing about Christine is that it’s really not that violent, either. I mean, people die and stuff, but there’s next to no blood or gore. You’re probably thinking: Was it even a horror movie? The answer is yes, but the actual horror is sloppy. You can never really tell if the movie wants you to think Christine is scary or not. It does the same thing The Terminator and countless other horror movies did later, which is when the protagonists finally kill of the antagonist, and they think they are fine, and then the villain comes back to life. But during the opening scene, they play “Bad to the Bone” by George Thorogood during a Christine shot-montage.
Another thing I noticed about this movie is that the editing is really pretty awful. Sometimes a scene with music playing and stuff happening will just be completely cut off by another scene that starts out silent. And you’re left like, “What the heck?” I literally said that out loud during this movie because of the stupid editing.
The scariest thing in Christine is probably the backstory behind the car. If they rebooted Christine today and told the story of the killings made before the events of this movie, then I would be interested in seeing it.
Surprisingly enough, a lot of the characters are done very well in Christine. The main character, Arnie, is given a lot of time to get his character right, and it pays off pretty well. Dennis (John Stockwell), Arnie’s best friend, who we think is going to be the main character, is also very well baked. Even Leigh (Alexandra Cabot), Arnie’s human girlfriend, is a good character. And she has like, ten minutes of screen time. So the characters and acting are probably the best part of this movie. Harry Dean Stanton, who passed away recently, even has a cameo in this movie. It is a pretty fun movie to watch, even though it is fairly dark.
John Carpenter did an OK job directing Christine, although I wouldn’t compare it to his other work that I’ve seen (Big Trouble in Little China, Escape From New York). But it is fun, and the story is pretty good.
Now is when I say random sophisticated-sounding stuff to lengthen this review. There are a lot of bad Stephen King movies out there, and you’d probably expect one about a murderous car that plays 50’s rock music while it kills people would be on the lower end of the spectrum, but it’s not. It doesn’t really have to be as good as it is, because if you’re an 80’s horror movie, people will excuse your badness. But Christine is actually halfway decent.
Safety Chart:
Violence: 7/10- Not nearly as violent as you would think. People are run over by a car, set on fire, etc. Christine kills people in various ways, including choking them. A gas station explodes in flame. Kids at a high school get in a fight, knives are drawn. A kid is stabbed with a piece of glass and dies.
Language: 8/10- Probably the reason this is rated R. Language is fairly frequent.
Drinking/Smoking: 6/10- Characters drink, even while driving. A man working at a car factory is smoking. Arnie’s mom is seen smoking.
Overall Christine surprised me with its well-done storytelling and characters. But the horror elements in the movie fall extremely flat. There are times when it is trying to be scary, but comes across a little funny. The theme song is also excellent. In the end it’s just another “pretty good” movie. There are ups and downs, but if you’re looking for a truly frightening movie, then don’t watch this. I am scared by some ridiculous things, but Christine failed to even make my heart beat faster. I am going to give it a B- as a grade. Vroom vroom.
