Troll 2 (1990) Movie Review
Troll 2 (1990) Movie Review
Troll 2 is a fantasy-horror movie from the early 1990s that is considered by many to be among the worst films ever made. So of course I had to see it. I will say that it did not strike me as being nearly as bad as some other movies I’ve seen, but that’s not to say Troll 2 is good, because it’s not. It is definitely not a good movie, but I wasn’t sitting there in disbelief the whole time like I was with Manos: The Hands of Fate. It also wasn’t totally what I expected it to be. It has Leprechaun vibes, Princess Bride vibes, and Vacation vibes all mixed together. Troll 2 makes for a somewhat jarring and nasty concoction of elements that clash in the weirdest, worst way possible.
The basic plot of Troll 2 is this: Right before his family’s vacation, Joshua Waits (Michael Stephenson), a weird little kid who always says crazy things, thinks he sees his grandfather in his bedroom, telling Joshua about evil goblins. The problem is that Josh’s grandfather has been dead for years, as explained by his mom (Margo Prey) in painfully obvious exposition. The next day Josh and his family, plus his sister’s (Connie Young) boyfriend, Elliott (Jason F. Wright), and his dweeby friends go on vacation to Nilbog, a town out in the middle of nowhere with close to zero residents. Joshua starts having weird hallucinations of his dead grandfather, who warns him that goblins are trying to eat his family. According to the old man, the goblins, who should technically be referred to as trolls, try to fatten up humans by feeding them lots of food, then turn them into plants so that the trolls can eat them. The trolls are vegetarians, of course. “Are you crazy, boy? We’re vegetarians here in Nilbog. Don’t you know that? Here’s some Nilbog milk. Special milk. High in vitamin content.” Over the next couple of days, the goblins eat all of Elliott’s friends and we are introduced to Creedence Leonore Gielgud (Deborah Reed), who is the queen of the goblins. Anyway, then the rest of the family realizes that Josh and his grandfather were right when he said that goblins were real, and they have to kill all the goblins and get out of Nilbog as fast as possible. Nilbog, as the film points out a thousand times, is very cleverly disguised as a normal name when it is in fact “goblin” spelled backwards.
This movie isn’t for everyone. In fact, I’d recommend it to about nobody except people who enjoy cheesy horror movies from 30 years ago. Other than that, I would expect most people to find it pointless and somewhat gross. I’m not usually bothered by violence in movies but for some reason the whole thing where the humans turned into plants–green blood all over the place–and then turn into green piles of mush that the goblins eat with their bare hands kinda stressed me out. Honestly, though, I maybe disagree with people who say it’s one of the worst movies ever. Troll 2 is by no means a well-made film, but it’s not that much worse than movies like Jason Takes Manhattan and Unhappy Campers. I will say there are lots of moments that will make you think, What on earth am I watching? It’s a crazy film for sure. The writing is astonishingly bad. It’s the kind of script where you have to wonder if the writer actually pictured people saying the lines. Joshua: “Don’t tell me they ate him, grandpa!” Josh’s dead grandpa: “That’s exactly what happened, with a voracity that has no equal on this earth.” Like bruh, did you think everything through? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you didn’t.
Safety Chart:
Violence: 6/10- Unrealistic but weird/gross deaths.
Language: 4/10- Some infrequent but occasionally strong cursing.
Drinking/Smoking: 2/10- People/goblins drink strange liquids. No smoking or drinking that I can remember.
Troll 2 is a ridiculous escapade into the realm of low-budget 80s and 90s horror. The amount of cheap, trashy horror movies made during those decades is mindblowing to say the least. This one somehow found a way to stand out as maybe the worst of them all. I didn’t love this movie because of its combination of lazy writing and disgusting special effects. But I wouldn’t say I totally hated it, either–I’m not the kind of person to hate a movie just ’cause it’s bad. I’m gonna give Troll 2 a D+ as a grade. It’s pretty lousy filmmaking, but I can appreciate what it tried, unsuccessfully, to do.
